@Becca Marshall I am in utter awe of your strength of character, your will, and your determination! I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 3 years, it was like living with jekyl and hyde and I put up with it until he dumped me! So I can relate in some teenty tiny form
Firstly- it is only February now, you have been on a MASSIVE journey in just only a few months, give yourself a huge amount of credit for where you have gotten to in a short space of time. The upheaval, the change, the emotional drain- during a bloody pandemic!! You are doing amazing to be just upright, honestly be so so proud of yourself. Again- I am in awe of your strength and coping skills
It's normal that when you are feeling a bit unwell you feel you are taking a massive step backwards, but realistically you are not (you don't gain progress quickly and you don't lose it quickly). You have had 2 weeks where the workouts have been helping you physically and mentally, and you will have a bazillion more weeks where that will happen again - I promise you that. Right now focus on what is needed to get you better- maybe you do need a week off the workouts? Or if you feel you are able do some of the lower tempo ones, the strength ones, the yoga and pilates. Once you are moving at all you are smashing it, it doesn't always need to be the workout leaves you out of breath that achieves that. Don't hold the workouts up as something you need to do to be fit and strong, have them as something you want to do as they are part of your new lifestyle, but recognise that we all need rest & recovery days too (some weeks/months more than others) and that is perfectly acceptable and part of the journey.
I'm very glad you reached out, and I hope you are too. One hour at a time, leading to one day, leading to one week etc etc - you are rebuilding a life for you and your kids, and it is going to be so amazing. For now you are still working through trauma and likely will be for as long as it takes (and never put pressure on yourself to have gotten past any of this any quicker than you are- it takes time), but you will get out the other side. YOU CAN DO IT! We are always here for you xxx