@Niamh Roche sooo happy to hear that! Honestly, you cannot beat a good podcast some days!
@Niamh Roche sooo happy to hear that! Honestly, you cannot beat a good podcast some days!
@Niamh Roche No worries :) Yeah that's so frustrating and patronising. I think the healthcare system still has some way to go when it comes to EDs. A lot of healthcare professionals (not all) don't fully appreciate or understand the mental hold it takes over you. I went to a therapist and it definitely helped me. It's good to talk to someone who is non-judgemental and doesn't know you personally. They can also come up with methods to keep you ontop of things. Really glad that you're enjoying the podcasts and had a good day. Hopefully it's all uphill from here and you've always got a support network of queens here rooting for you. x
@Amy Johnston thanks so much ! Can I ask u a question !? Since I'm really focusing on overcoming the binge eating I'm obviously going into a huge reduction in calories.. I still feel hungry all the time what did u do to curb ur appetite? X
@Niamh Roche I think one thing is maybe to work out if you're actually hungry or just bored/stress eating. Maybe have a cup of tea/hot chocolate/glass of water and see how you feel afterwards as it can take a while for your body to register that you're full. Also ask yourself "would a banana satisfy me right now?". If the answer is yes then you're probably hungry and mabye have a piece of fruit, slice of toast or a yogurt. If the answer is no then it's more emotional.
If that's the case the best thing is to distract yourself such as by painting your nails, brushing your teeth, go for a walk, do some yoga/stretches, have a bath, put on a face mask, read a book. All these things prevent you from using your hands or eating and also tend to make you feel good afterwards. By the time you've finished you've probably forgotten about the cravings too. x
@Niamh Roche @Amy Johnston hi Niamh and Amy! I know I'm a little late to the convo here, I just joined and am going through some of the topics that I find interesting or relate to. I just wanted to see how you guys were doing? I also have struggled with BED/bulimia for years, 10+ actually. The past year has been my best year, I moved in with my partner which has drastically cut down on my binge/purge cycle but as Amy has said, it's still in the back of mind, just not as prevalent, which 5-years-ago-me would have never seen possible.
@Hannah Shackles Hey Hannah, so nice of you to reach out! It was actually bulimia/BED I had (started with bulimia but then moved more to BED once I managed to stop the purging cycle). I think this time of year is always the toughest for me. I find it really difficult over the festive period as there is so much food around. It's hard to stop going over board or not feel guilty. I have gotten a lot better but the days between the 23rd Dec - 3rd Jan were hard mentally. Felt pretty low with the weight gain etc but I managed not to let myself relapse which I'm really proud of and made me feel a lot better about how far I have come - it's good to know that I know how to pull myself out of those situations now.
I think moving in with a partner definitely helps as you have less chances to relapse with them being around so you break out of the habit. So glad that you've made progress and have come out of the other end :) I think Queens Don't Quit has made a massive difference too. Having a structured workout routine that is really fun helps you appreciate your body more as you get stronger and progress. The fact you enjoy the workouts too makes it sustainable.
How are you getting on @Niamh Roche. You popped into my head over the festive period and meant to message. Hope you're doing well x
@Amy Johnston This time of year is definitely the hardest with all the rich foods around that normally aren't, I totally agree. But that's so so amazing that you were able to get through it without relapsing even if it did seem difficult to do, the fact that you still did it is awesome! Having a system that you know you can rely on is definitely necessary when recovering. I also think that being aware enough of your progress and when and why you struggle is BIG so for you to be able to pinpoint the exact date range of when you were struggling is truly something to be proud of!
But yes, living with someone, especially now when everyone is pretty much stuck at home 24/7, has allowed me less opportunity to binge/purge (we live in an apartment so privacy is nonexistent). So whether this is necessarily the best way to work towards recovery, doing it less has at least gotten me out of the habit of it, because it definitely was a habit of mine near the end since it had been a part of my life for so long. I do still go through days where I'm really struggling and wanting to relapse which makes me worry that I am not actually getting better, but that I just haven't had the opportunity to relapse if that makes sense. I try not to think too much about it and just be thankful for where I am at now. I'm also thankful for the Queens Don't Quit workouts. I used to punish myself with working out/running and it just was not enjoyable or healthy. These allow me to workout in a way that I am not hiding as a form of purging and that I can actually look forward to.
@Hannah Shackles Thank you :) Really appreciate that. I think if you have never experienced disordered habits and thoughts then it's hard to understand how big the tiny steps can be. Not going to lie, it was a real struggle and I probably wasn't the easiest person to be around but I got there. Thankfully was still able to enjoy Christmas day without worrying.
I'm the same, small flat I'm living in so you don't get a lot of time on your own. I can imagine it will be difficult as well though as your partner will probably be buying in trigger foods without realising so the internal battle is tough. I can understand why you will be worrying but the fact that you are making progress and forming new habits is a massive step forward. It's good to celebrate any small wins whether it is "I have gone this long without binge/purging, look how far I have come - I'm not in such a dark space, I was able to eat X today which I never would have been able to".
Nutritian has also helped. I tend to eat substantial healthy meals throughout the day and try to think of how I am nourishing my body rather than punishing it. When you have a good day with food, without focussing on calories then having a treat is fine - you're less likely to want to ruin it by going overboard or bringing it all up.
Really glad that you're enjoying the workouts too. It makes such a difference when you start looking at exercise as a form of enjoyment rather than to punish yourself. Feel like school and TV doesn't give the best education around sport as it's either focussed on becoming an athlete or to lose weight.
Hi@Amy Johnston and @hannahshackles(sorry Hannah i couldn't find your tag). Hope your both doing well ! Thanks for reaching out too Hannah, I myself never had to deal with purging but the binge eating is still a massive issue for me... I live with my partner and still eat in secret sometimes he hasn't a clue ! I try to make sure I eat a lot of nutritious food during the day to somehow balance it out but I know I'm definitely overeating on my cals.
I really enjoy queens don't quit and have been doing the workouts since the first lockdown. It's a great community and everyone is so supportive.
Lockdown defo has not helped, being off work an at home with two young kids and being able to go many places has led to more binging and a feck it attitude .... it's a daily battle and I often wonder when I hear of people overcoming it how the hell did they not obsess anymore ! But queens don't quit x
Also well done to you both on doing so well, you really should be so proud. I no how difficult it is x
@Niamh Roche I hear ya on how hard lockdown has been! It has been extremely tolling on my mental state which usually then leads to craving junk food/binge etc. I'm sorry that it is something that you are struggling with currently! But yes this community has been awesome to be a part of! Plus @Maeve Madden 's insta post today seemed very fitting to this conversation!
@Hannah Shackles it did didn't it!? It's like she read our minds. I am very hopeful that some day I will be free from bed but I am also aware that it is a daily struggle and it definitely helps to know other people are in the Same position. We will get through one day at a time xxxx
@Niamh Roche @Hannah Shackles It does take a long time to get out the other side. I compare myself to the likes of Maeve's posts on instagram on how far she has come thinking "will I ever get there". Over time the amount of your brain the obsessive thoughts take up reduces. I feel like it's something that will always be there but over time the voice gets quieter and will make less appearances.
Lockdown has been hard mentally, I think especially when you're spending more time indoors and in your head with less distractions or positive interactions. I think the best things are being open to the people you feel safest with (which is difficult)and try not to feel so much guilt or shame and take each day as it comes. Like you say Naimh, we're all experiencing difficult times but we'll get through it like we've pulled ourselves through other dark periods of our lives xxx
@Amy Johnston @Hannah Shackles I just love the sisterhood vibes from this community ! We've all got this .. where are you both from ? X
@Niamh Roche Same here, love the community on here. I would never openly talk about these topics in person so it's nice to have other people that understand. I'm from Glasgow so maybe one of the few non Irish Queens. What about you? x
@Niamh Roche @Amy Johnston I agree! It's super nice talking with people that can relate, takes the stigma away a bit. I'm from the states actually, currently living in Florida.
@Hannah Shackles Oh wow, very jealous of you right now. It's freezing here in Scotland!
@Amy Johnston ye so jealous here too ! I'm in Dublin ... lockdown 3.0 and crap weather 🙄
@Niamh Roche @Amy Johnston it's definitely "grass is greener" I do love the beautiful 60-degree weather (fahrenheit) but I grew up in Missouri where it snows a lot during the winter so I usually get very homesick around this time! No lockdown currently though, for better or worse 😬
I can really relate to your post, for years I have been chasing my ideal or a lighter weight, I have tried every diet out there. Every time I start off super enthusiastic, the weight starts dropping off me and then I loose my mojo and I quit, feeling defeated and heavier than I started 😒. Recently I started looking into intuitive eating and it has really hit home for me. It's going to be a long road to repairing my relationship with food but even in the last month that I have been trying it I have focused on shifts in my mindset that have encouraged a much healthier relationship with food so I am super grateful for that
